It is true that nothing is entertaining for a continuous two minutes but I hope this short story rattles you into a hilarious embarrassing situation you can relate with.
Moments after tea break, amid a logical Physics exam I had fully immersed myself in, Mr. Malova enters the classroom stealthily and confiscates two different coloured mugs along the sides of the window panes. One was mine and the other belonged to Benson. The whole classroom chuckled in low tones as they had their eyes on us when the teacher left.
Normally I’d finish the afternoon History exam early so as to get enough time to sleep afterwards but this was not the case at the time as I had been pondering on the fate that awaited us at the boarding master’s office.
Hours disintegrated into minutes and minutes became seconds as more pressure built until it finally exploded when we were summoned to report to the office that lied in a precarious corner adjacent to the bursar’s office. The boarding master had something in line for us with his ever abundant arsenal of long, fresh and thick canes.
We walked hand in hand with Benson along what seemed like a football tunnel of Anfield and knocked at the furthest door. We were called in and as soon as we entered, some wrinkles of seriousness drew themselves on the teacher’s forehead as he rose up from his chair and told us to lie aflat as he drew the healthiest of canes. For various reasons, Benson went first and he had ten of the best but wasn’t displaying any form of pain or it must have been that he had dead pain receptors. My turn came and as the cane rose high, the energies of free fall, mass and muscle all combined to crumble down pain to one specific spot severally. I had to twist and turn to reduce the accuracy. Expectedly, my body temperature rose after the whole ordeal. (I’d test positive for covid)
He then commanded us to buy ten mugs each before the close of the day. Failure to which our parents had to be called and the whole matter would be aggravated. We then left the slaughterhouse as some classmates met us outside with ear to ear grins.
I never went to play game 21 basketball that day and I had to meet friends to help me buy the mugs as I had been on a cash crunch. Every problem man has links him with others and Felix Langat stepped up then and I went to get the mugs from Kirwa’s shop.
As we took the mugs to the office, Mr. Malova then placed us within a prisoner’s dilemma by giving us two crazy options to clear off our saga. Option one was to go to every classroom displaying and counting the mugs and telling fellow lazerians that we were thieves and an imminent lesson to learn from.
Option two was that we go to class and revise during the evening and then the following day, we would appear in parade with the mugs, count them in front of all and the sundry. That is scary, right?
The second option appeared more taunting and we opted for it as Benson was the only Music student in class and he had no exam to revise for and I on the other end had to revise for Agriculture, a subject I spent three quarters sleeping to Mr. Busolo’s lectures on pruning. It was an elective subject and I knew I would drop it at some point.
After supper was done and preps started, we went class by class saying our misdoings and mishappenings and imparting lessons from them.
We started with the form 2 block that lied on the left wing of the complex. Our classmates at Central this time were fully entertained. I guess this is why they called me “content.”
We then headed accompanied by Mr. Malova to the form 1 block next to the residences. Some of them, whom I had harrassed at some point, were getting their resounding comebacks from the funny situation I had sunk into.
We then came back uphill to the complex and went to form 3 classes who by then were in a revision mood. They had this imposing figure on the lower classes but they all were served with a comic relief as they heard our rickety story. The most fierce and emphatic class, the form 4s, were having an exam that evening and we considered the job done as Mr. Malova told us to go to class.
Friday morning parade was not short of entertainment, accomplishments displayed and ammendments made. It was a fullhouse as the teacher on duty took the mantle. He then called on to the boarding master after addressing his issues. Then and there, my antenna tuned clearly to his firm, course and energetic voice and alas! He was at it again. After speaking of the discipline in the boarding section, he then delved on the mugs menace.
“As you all know, you must use the correct colour of mug during tea time. Now, where are these two boys, Benson and Gideon? Please come up front. ” Mr Malova said displaying a stern face.
I wounded my way out of the orderly lines of students to get to the front of the gathering as throngs of giggles and chuckles shred accross the whole assembly. He then told us to address the audience. Benson again went first, he was a natural comedian and the whole parade laughed as he advised the students to steal so that the number they will buy will be increasing.
My bowels became pilgrims as it was my turn to speak. My public speaking skills had long been at the doctor’s plaza and a mixture of stage fright, tension and morning sweat enveloped me to a pawn that said this,
“We are the first to buy ten mugs. We are the pioneers of theft of mugs and not generally theft. So if you steal anything first, you’ll buy 10. I encourage others to steal more so that they can buy more”
There was an inconsistent span of laughter. I guess we became the laughing stock of the pride. And I acquired another nick name to the dozen I already had. Gidi Megi.
We were trending for a fortnight with negative publicity notwithstanding the fact it was also good publicity.
P.S: Mr Malova was my favourite teacher.
Signed. 1956 hrs
gideonskk 